i learnt something important this week:

to be good to others and to be good to yourself.

it is necessary to be good to others as to survive in this world and of course things must come from your heart. of course please do things sincerly and not be it a facade. as for to be good to yourself? well, in the first place you have to be good to yourself in order to be good to others, after all, if you're not going to be good to yourself, how in the world are you going to stay alive to be good to others?

i feel it is always important to enjoy live and to help others along the way. of course just because you want to help others, don't become the emotional barcade where you actually become the emotional burden.

when i used to work, my boss told me that it is important to have a positive attitude towards work, well i believe it also important to have a positive attitude towards live. that way, we can have fun and at the same time be serious.

it is hard to say and hard to believe as problems continously come our way in this society. the deal is, how are we going to deal with them?

i can talk all the trash i want, and i can give all the morals and be thought the wisdom of knowledge but how many times does it actually impact us? the most important thing is: yourself. for in oursevles there are others.

this is my theory.
i also believe in a couple of things which are really positive. at times like this i feel like i'm a total optimist, but yet when all the sorrowful things come and the lonliness sinks in (although i don't know what happen but lately life has been great and i haven't felt all this and when i want to i just think of laughter) it feels as though the world has drawn up a map for me to just die in the hands and you really question what life is really about. also unfortunately for me, i become a total cynic which is of course bad for people around me.

perhaps that's why i'm typing this down. so that when the time comes, i can remember the positive things of life.

so, that's what a blog is supposed to be used for.

for once,
thanks blogger.

i sometimes am amazed on how i survived till this day for i have come to a conclusion that i am a very lazy brat and a total slacker. yes, and here i am complaning.

i'm supposed to practice very hard for my piano exams which are like two months away, but somehow another, everytime i practice i just don't want to practice anymore. it often gets my mum to push me twice a day just to play this piano of mine. its funny really, cause i really want to do well, but i'm expecting this miracle to drop by on me and say "hey, i'll help you pass your piano exams today."

i'm really behind scales (can't seem to remember any except those i've been playing all my life) my second and third pieces are really shit. i'm being honest, not modest.

i will feel guilty for not playing each day or playing a really short time for that intentional boost that i actually finished something i'm supposed to do each day. but really? i'm not doing anything about it.

just like how i'm not doing half of the things i'm guilty for.
it's stupid complaining, but hey, i'm human.

i think that's the problem.

sometimes, it's better to do things with your heart and soul rather than your mind and body.

honestly? i can't stand criticisms, period.
cause sometimes i want to be perfect.

weird- involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny.

it's amusing that people in this world assume that sometimes they themselves are weird or more commonly people around them are weird except themselves.

so, who exactly is the weird one?

yesturday on my way back on the 985 bus i've kinda thought about my childhood years all the way till now and i've come to conclusion i think i'll miss these days of my younger years the most.

it's crazy really, cause during my childhood period i think i treasured my family the most and never really cared about my friends. i remember all the times i quarelled with my brother about the smallest things which some how became like a thunderstorm where we shouted at the top of our lungs and i cried at every little thing. yes, i was a cry baby during those days. and yet, we somehow made up those times and he occasionally brings me out for a movie or so when i was very young., but now i don't think me and my brother have quarelled ever since he started working his crazy shifts.

i still remember when i was young and i used to have nightmares most of the time, (i can't remember them though the next morning) and one day i actually cried cause of my nightmare and when i woke up my brother was next to me. although i didn't have the recollection that i was crying, it was actually nice to see my brother comforting me.

i hated my school life the days when i was younger and counted almost everytime i faked sick so that i wouldn't need to go to school. i hated school much and i guess cause at that point of time i couldn't find the right friends.

and when i entered my teenage life, boom, things naturally changed. i think i enjoyed the recent two years of my life with my friends the most. thier cold lame jokes, the heart to heart talks, the pig-out sessions at various places and coffee hopping between starbucks and coffeebean. (i think cause of this i offically got addicted to both starbucks and coffeebean)

and cause of this i actually look foward to school each day just so that they can make me laugh and that we can laugh together. sure, school's a bore and really who wants to do projects and homeworks half of the time, but somehow with these friends life isn't really that bad. perhaps i'm more blessed then others and i really do appreciate it.

i wonder what happens when i finish my school life and go out in the working world. i would really miss those days with my friends and indeed i always hope to sustain friendships.

i guess it works both ways, after all i can't wait to graduate and move on with my life where i have plenty more freedom with nothing stopping me, except when i probably have to work for the money. but i truly savour these moments i have with my friends and personally i would like to thank all of them for giving me this much fun and interersting days of my teenage life. i don't think i can enjoy these experince again but who knows? afterall, life is unpredictable. you never know what's going to happen next, but that's the thought that keep us going.

First Course: Isolation

He watched in awe as the new patient was entered in. It has been such a long time since a new one came. He wondered how long this patient would last? A month tops probably. He studied the patient carefully and a tiny smirk played across his lips.

The new patient stumbled with fear as he looked around the clinic.
The clinic was old with white tinted walls and had a thick musty smell surrounding it. The patient's eyes wondered around each and every other patient lingering everytime the the patient spotted somebody interesting. The patient realized that they were all probably here because of the same reason.

He wondered what was the patient reason for entering this cold hospital. He knew secretly somewhere deep down in his heart that they probably shared something in common.

There was something about this new patient that interest him. He wondered vaguely whether it was those eyes that curiously wondered through the clinic, or was it the way the patient seemed to be so nervous and yet curious at the same time. He watched intently as the nurses beside the patient read out the patient's name and birthdate and later gave the patient a small little injection. He smiled and recalled the first time where he was first entered here. The emotional pain he felt and how much he struggled and yelled as he wanted to run away so badly; yet they called him insane and locked him up alone in the dark cold cell where no one could hear him yell.

He remembered the feeling all too well and smiled sadly at the horrible experience. It was since then, it seemed as though the whole world closed up on him and no one was there to love or care for him. He had no friends at all since he came in here, none that gave him the feeling of warmth.

The patient watched as the strange man in clothes similar to the patient's own staring into blank space. The patient saw the lips turned into a slow painful smile and recalled the patient's own. The patient wondered whether this man had a similar experience to the patient's own. A chill suddenly ran up to the patient's spine as the man's eyes travelled upon the patient's own and for a moment time froze.

He sat there as though time was connecting them without even moving. He noticed that the patient was moving slowly towards him after the nurses had let him go. He watched as the patient sat across from him and gave him a very slight smile.

Perhaps he wasn't going to be lonely anymore.

these few days is seriously very humid and hot. everytime it looks like it's going to rain, the sun comes out again like there is no night time. seriously. it's been stuffy and horrible. the worse weather so far, noted it's above 30 degress celsius.

okay so enough of the weather report.

i filled up my year plan this year (yes i do have one), and i swore i panicked. And the fact i panicked shows that time is making a bee-line. that means i have that little time left before the day of the dooms day exams are coming. i noted the time was little and insufficient and here i am still blogging. i realized i have to cut down (reluctantly of course) my current obsessions and addictions which includes lesser youtubing.

i am currently wishing that i can jump to a point where cash flow is currently at my feet and needn't work at all. (this is sloth talking, hi how are you?)

so here i am, staring at textbooks which i think shouldn't even exist as they are not life-time skills and offcially decided that i am going to cut down on the net (hopefully or not so hopefully), plenty of excercise (i can't stress myself up you know) and not to mention plenty of rest of self-induced sleep: behold my sickening and horrible plan of 2007.

and now, some words of wisdom provided by my wise grandfather who have at least 80 over years of experience (although i don't think my grandmother will agree with me with the experience part):

sometimes in life we have to suffer so that results can be attained
-which i am currently doing. (noted by the way)
the most important thing in life is to be pleased in what you have done. it doesn't matter on what other people think about it and you needn't please them but rather be satisfied and be happy in what you have done.
which i am going to live by from now on.

*notes: this are all translated to english. the original form was chinese and it sounded way much better.

i swear, i feel lethargic thanks to the weather.

note to self: do not, do not, let anyone in this damn bloody cruel world tell me that i can't do or stop me from doing what i want to do just cause i don't have the bloody qualifications. added word: do not be so weak-willed and let myself decide the future i want to live in. addition, do not stop me from what i want to do and what i want to acomplish and don't get influenced cause this world thinks i'm not good enough just cause i didn't go into the supposedly correct route that everyone is supposed to go. i am capable in my best abilities to achieve and strive and i will not accept myself to live in a future which is planned by somebody else.

i will also not get influenced by what this damn society says about education where it is your frekaing life. it is guranteed i'll work hard cause i want results.

but at the same time don't we all want to prove?
i'm tired.
and my troubles are damn little compapred to others.

period,
zong just think about the freaking exams that shouldn't even exist.

excuse this post. inner-feelings of the angered.

tagged replies:
Deb: yeah i watched pursuit of happiness just yesturday. makes me think i'm really helpless. but i feel iwo jima is way much better. :)

dearest blog readers,

i sincerly from the bottom of my dearest heart, encourage and ask you to go and watch the movie letters from iwo jima and i ensure you all your money for i will return it to you by any chance you do feel the show is as good as i portray it to be. the movie is undoubtedly a really touching story and good reviews proves it so. please everyone, for your time (whenever you do have it) go and watch this movie. it's definetly a can't miss.

letters from iwo jima:

this show is undoubtedly the best movie i've seen this year. (then again i haven't seen that many movies yet) but honestly, it was according to many reports the best movie in 2006. this movie is really touching and i couldn't even count the number of times where i teared, whether it was because of somebody dying or the moving words which the soldiers all said and written. the soundtrack deinfetly played a part and it all moved many people to tears.

it's also definetly a movie where it makes you think about yourself and the people around you.

it shows the different cultures of people, thier race, how the society portrays different people and yet how we believe in the same morals that has put us through young since our parents first thought us. undoubtedly, some of us are not so lucky, but there will be a time when we will be thought and perhaps by then we'll remember clearly then when our parents tells us so.
the movie portrays each and every individual on how we are and how we behave. it is almost in an exact detail of it.
it also shows the typical kind of humans where cause we don't want to do something and find it a burden we'll dispose of it as even to an extend (which the movie shows) kill it, just so that we won't be bothered and won't be stopped in what we want to do and disrupt our freedom. tell me, sometimes aren't we all like that?

yet there is love, in this world is just that we choose not to show due to pride which i must i am guilty of it.
at times we forget all our morals that were placed into our hearts to show the world what's right. and for that we continuously hurt people around us without knowing sometimes doing it on purpose just to prove oneself. one's the heart is broken it can never been piece again and for that is what the disastourous world is at the point of now.

i'm no forsaker for i cannot ask everyone to be right for it has come to a stage where everyone must put down thier mask and show the love they feel which sometimes can't do.

why?

why do i get hurt everytime when an unconsious friend of mine continuously hurt me so without even knowing a slightest bit she's tearing up my heart and i yearn to yell at her all the time.